I just completed a month-long sprint of writing conferences, which was AMAZING! But draining at the same time. I came back from my final conference feeling energized about writing and about what comes next in my career, but as the conference buzz faded, doubts crept in.
Am I really any good at this? I’m not as successful as this or that author. Will I ever “make” it?
Being exhausted played a huge role in this, but finding time to rest with the all those household chores that had been piling up is a tough game to play. (BTW, SUPER thankful for my husband who helped with all those household things!)
So, I wasn’t taking time to recover, and those doubts just got bigger and bigger, until last night, I found myself in bed with a massive headache, fighting off those stupid tears because I just wasn’t measuring up.
Then two things happened:
- My 12-year old daughter came in my room with a note. She’d written it ages ago for a church activity. It had never gotten into my hands, and had instead landed somewhere in the black hole of her closet. Last night she’d gotten a brilliant idea to clean her closet, and that’s where she found this–right at the moment when I needed it, when those doubts had turned to monsters eating away at my self-worth. “I found this in my closet, Mom. I wanted to give it to you.” It says, “Dear Mom, I love you so much and you have always been there for me. You are a great writer and you make great oatmeal cookies! You will never give up even if something really bad happens.”
- My 10-year old son comes in. I’m still in bed. Still with that stupid headache, still battling that beast of a doubt monster. “Mom!” he said. “Guess what? My friend’s mom read your book and she loved it. Like really loved it! She doesn’t usually read your type of books but she loved this one. She really loved the plot and said you wrote really good characters. “
I needed those two boosts just at that moment. Those two tender mercies came just when I needed them, and I usually don’t blog about these things, but I decided I need to be better at recording the little miracles when they happen.